INDUSTRY TALK: Q&A (NATHAN HALE WILLIAMS)

“I had every intention of being a doctor. I was going to be a neurosurgeon, I was a bio-medical engineering major when I first went to school. ”

N|H|W: Okay that's actually two questions so let me answer the first one first. I actually went to law school to be a producer. I know that sounds random, I was… I had every intention of being a doctor. I was going to be a neurosurgeon, I was a bio-medical engineering major when I first went to school. And then I realized, I looked around and was like one of these kids is doing his own thing and I was like its me. And I secretly changed my major and my mom said I'm not saying you can't major in dance because I changed it to dance. But she said you shouldn't major in dance at the University of Illinois- like if you're going to be a dancer then you should go to a school for dance. Because you're going to be a dance teacher if you go study dance at the university of Illinois. In any event I ended up changing my major to communications with a minor focus on theater. We called it at University of Illinois- Oral Interpretation so I had intended on becoming a performer and going to Broadway and being on Broadway and all of that. But then I came out to LA my junior/senior year of college and it was the hardest summer I've ever had to endure my car got stolen (in 1996- I mentioned the LA riots and Rodney King era. Nathan laughs in agreement of the craziness.) I read this article by Debra Martin Chase, and in the article she talked about her job as a producer and I was like that's what I want to do. I want to create, I want to be in charge, I want to be the boss; because, I like steak better than I like pork n’ beans. She talked about in the article how much law school helped- she went to Harvard law school. And I came back after my car got stolen back to the University of Illinois & I told my mom “I'm gonna go to law school” and she was like where did that come from? I don't think I told her at that time that I was going to law school to become a producer or that I had read this article about Debra. Anyways I didn't study for the LSAT, I just took it, and I was like if it's meant to be then its meant to be, and if it's not then its not. I got accepted to some great schools and I chose George Washington University because it was the school that I felt was the closest to my personality. Even though I got into some schools that are considered quote un-quote better than that. And I loved it. I loved law school but I had no intention of practicing law but of becoming a producer. (A degree to practice law and never use it- I inquire) I use it everyday.

R|A: After 15 years in New York, what made you move to L.A. and how do you like it in comparison?

“ New York cut my teeth as a professional. It taught me how to hustle, it taught me how to never give up.”

N|H|W: So you know I love New York, New York is my favorite city in the world and it always will be. New York helped make me who I am today as a professional, Chicago helped make me who I am as a person and New York cut my teeth as a professional. It taught me how to hustle, it taught me how to never give up. But I'm in entertainment and the well of entertainment is only so deep. Like I had reached that level, I've done everything that I could do in New York and I really wanted to take my career to the next level and I knew that I had to do something drastic to shake it up. I actually decided to move to LA when I was here, I was having lunch with Jussie Smollet when he'd just gotten Empire it was April 28th, 2014 and him and my friend Jennia Fredrique (Noah’s Arc) who's an actress and filmmaker as well, was like you need to just move here. And it was the tail end of a really good trip and I said okay- I'm moving to LA. That's kind of how I am, and then I went back to New York and broke my leg, and God was like okay slow down little boy because I would have just picked up and moved here without a plan and you know trying to fly. I'm here for work… I'm here to work… I'm here because my job is here and the weather helps as well, that was following two brutal winters in New York City. I had a break down, I had a missing New York and family breakdown two weeks ago, but now I'm passed it. And I know that I am here for a reason. So I can't say that I'm loving it yet, but I'm definitely focused.

R|A: Tell readers about your new book “Ladies Who Lunch & Love”, what inspired you to write about these women and their gay best friend?

N|H|W: So Ladies Who Lunch & Love is a novelization of the Essence Magazine column that I wrote for four years where I gave love and relationship advice. But I didn't want to write a preachy you need to do this, you need to do that advice book. I wanted it to be fun and digestible. When people read it they don't even realize they're about to read a book about spirit and about relationships. But it's embedded in a fun you know kinda light story. And there are some really deep messages within the story embedded in it. What I love about the characters the most is that people can really read this book and even if you don't see yourself you know these people. I mean you know Krissy- you know that's your girl from around the way and she's smart as shit, you know what I mean. You know Vicky... you know these characters, and so yeah I wanted to write a relationship and spirit and advice book but not in the traditional sense.

R|A: You’ve conquered TV, film, and commercial. As far as producing are you working on any new media projects?

N|H|W: Yeah I have... (laughs) where do we begin? So I'm writing a movie with Jennifer Lewis called The Second Act I love her too, (she's everyone's aunt I exclaim) yes I met her on the set of Dirty Laundry now almost 10 years ago. And we just fell in love and connected ever since. We’re writing the movie together. She plays a character named Lydia Monroe. I have another short film that I am producing, directing, and writing called 90 days. We shoot in March and then I have a book coming out in February called The Girls Best Friend, which is a collection of my Essence Column with notes from my favorite women in the world- my mom, my aunt, and my best friends.

R|A: I remember seeing a reality show you starred in featured on Netflix: Boys Who Like Girls Who Like Boys. I was wondering if there are any more TV projects you will star in, or are you set on being behind the lens?

“I have people that still comes up to me till this day saying ‘seeing you on television as a black gay man who is proud who defied stereotypes, who was successful, encouraged me- inspired me, saved my life.’ ”

N|H|W: (Laughing) You know I forget that I do all this shit. Wow (as far as being behind the lens or in front of the camera?) I like both That was my second reality show. The first one was American Candidate and I was on with my then partner at the time Keith Boykin and that was a ball of fun because we were in a competition together. We won everything and my mom had knew we’d gotten kicked off the show- not kicked off but we lost we didn't win the whole thing because I called her when we didn't, and so she was watching because people would have parties to watch the show. “And she was like Nathan you lied to me, y'all won.” Because we literally won every challenge, every episode until we lost which was like the second to last episode. (What was the challenge??) We were in Philadelphia and we had to get people to sign up and do something or whatever and we lost by like two votes. Something stupid, but anyways- Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys was my second (reality) show Keith and I happen to be the first black gay couple on reality television. That was such a great experience but it was a competition it wasn't about our lives. Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys was a great experience too but it was not a great experience for my relationship with Crystal. It's why I tell people don't put a relationship on reality TV because one thing about reality television is it does not lie. It tells the truth, you know what I mean. The good thing about that show is that it was a positive show. And the take away for me, was aside from the personal side- I have people that still come up to me till this day saying "seeing you on television as a black gay man who is proud who defied stereotypes, who was successful, encouraged me- inspired me, saved my life." All of those different things. So it was worth it, there's nothing about it that I regret. It was who I am. That wasn't a fake reality it was a representation- I cried, now they got me crying on there like fifty million times and I'm not even a cryer, I have my moments but it was like damn he's crying every episode. My dad is such a sensitive subject for me and it was the first time that I was really outside of my family talking about that. So doing that show was great for me. It wasn't great for my relationship with Crystal who was my then business partner. But I wouldn't take any of it back because of the feedback I get from young people telling me that I inspired them.

Keith Boyking & Nathan Hale Williams

R|A: What piece of advice do you wish someone would have given you starting out in the industry?

N|H|W: (Pause) I have a lot of advice, I have a lot of great advice. Um… Don't rush it. You know what I mean? Like don't be so anxious and don't think that it all has to happen at once. Because that's not how you really cultivate a longstanding career. I was really really hard on myself when I was younger because I wanted it all now… I wanted to be a billionaire tomorrow. You have to cultivate this art, you have to cultivate that. You have to be ready for the opportunities so that when they come you can maximize them. All the opportunities I got maximized them but I really wanted them all at once. So take your time, learn your craft, perfect it, hone it… you know.

R|A: When dealing with actors/performers what do you find to be the biggest challenge? (Please inform the actors so we know what we can do to be of better service.)

N|H|W: Actors & Performers (both laughing). Creative people are creative, we’re creative for a reason and we’re emotional, we are sometimes not practical in the way we think. I think one of the good things about me being an attorney and a creator is that I kinda have both sides of the brain I have a lot of balance, so I'm able to understand that someone is having a moment. So that would be my biggest stretch with actors and performers, they are highly emotional people and they need that emotion. They need to be able to tap into that emotion to call it the craft.

“my biggest stretch with actors and performers, they are highly emotional people and they need that emotion. They need to be able to tap into that emotion to call it the craft.”

R|A: Have you met all of your career goals? I feel as though you have a million titles. How do you ignore the negativity of others.

N|H|W: Well I've simplified the commas to just saying I'm a storyteller, and I tell stories across various mediums so in terms of titles I'm probably not going to have anymore titles. Maybe talk show host… not maybe- talk show host definitely. In my brain I'm just getting started.

R|A: (I feel as though sometimes we get so caught up in chasing our dreams that we forget to enjoy the ride). When you’re not working what do you do to relax and let go?

N|H|W: Well I have a morning ritual. I start my day the same everyday. I say thank you God, and please use me in showing light, and using the power that you give me for good. Then I read a publication called The Daily Word and from The Daily Word I set my intentions, I have all of my affirmations for everyday of the year. Today my intention was “joy” and I was going to get joy from everything that I do. Then I read a publication called Our Daily Bread which is a little bit more scripture based. This year I just started doing the bible in a year thing. And I take time to set my intention for the day and remember that God has given me the power. To relax I watch TV. (What do you watch?) Oh my God, I watch scripted stuff, I watch trash TV. I've always loved TV as an art form. My joke is that I'm a couch potato without the couch potato body. TV for me is a release and an outlet. It's where I can escape and then I get ideas, I love the ballet, I love to go see dance, but that shits expensive so I don't get to go to that all of the time. But if I could I would go see someone dance every week. I spend a lot of time with my family and friends, I really love being around the people that I love. I'm a people person. I'm really actually shy you may not believe that. But around my family and my closest friends I get to be Nate. I don't have to be Nathan Hale Williams. We go out to eat, we drink, we laugh a lot. I like to laugh a lot. My editor says I have a nice snarky sense of humor. When you get to know me you realize there is no malice in it. I'm just talking shit because I come from a family where we just talk shit. But you do it from a place of love. When I go home for thanksgiving my Auntie Gale and I are Bid Wiz partners and no one plays with us now because we talk so much crap at the table. We slam the cards down “take that” and no one will play with us now because we are very sore winners.

R|A: Question for the mother: As a parent how do you parent an artist, how do you support an artistic child being that we are so all over the place, we can be a headache?

Mother N|H|W: He wasn't a headache with me because I know that God gives us a gift and he has a plan for each one of us and we have to follow it. As a parent I know that it is my job to guide the child through reaching the gift in a very positive way. And what Nathan said about his being shy and not accepting rejection well, when he was starting out as a youngster trying to act- I paid for acting/drama lessons, my father paid for modeling lessons. I took him to auditions, and I sat with him when he got the auditions but then he started to grow and he's larger than the other guys his age and he stopped getting the auditions based on that. Because he was so tall they thought he was an older kid. I told him I can't do this… I can't watch your heart break because then my heart breaks and he was upset with me. But I was not a stage mother and I wasn't going to drive him crazy, and I pretty much told him if this is God's plan for you it'll happen, but it's not going to happen right now. I want you to grow up and have a good childhood, and if it happens at the right time you'll have my 100% support and I think that that's what's happened because I was getting ready to retire when I got a call and he said “I'm going to quit practicing law, and I'm going into entertainment.” I was like okay, and he'll tell you that I've been very supportive with that. (Nathan- my grandfather was like “you gone quit that good job, how much money do you make again?”- he had me laughing with the voice impression he did) So it just depends on whether or not you feel your child is yours to make them do what you want them to do, or you realize that they are a gift to you from God which is what Nathan's name mean. It means “A Gift From God.” So I knew he was mine, but he was my gift to kind of guide but not to keep. And so my job was to help him fulfill God's dream for him. Not my dreams.

“I pretty much told him if this is God’s plan for you it’ll happen, but it’s not going to happen right now. I want you to grow up and have a good childhood, and if it happens at the right time you’ll have my 100% support...”

(Really made me emotional, to have the love and support from family, especially your parents because it's difficult for young artist. So readers hopefully you can get your parents to remember you are a gift and in order to share your gift the people surrounding you should also see you as such.)

INDUSTRY TALK: Q&A (CHAD LEON OF CLEONS CLOTHING)

http://www.cleonsclothing.com/

I met Chad Leon of Cleons at the Uptown Fashion Show in New York about a year ago. My friend Juan Gabriel was modeling in his show and I had the privilege of asking Mr. Cleons himself a few questions about his fashion line. Here we’ll go more into that and find out where the designer started and how he has become so well known today. 

R|A: Chad how long exactly have you been designing and how did you get your start?

CLEONS: I've been designing since 2001, seriously with CLEONS since 2005. I promoted myself a lot and on social media, during that time it was MySpace lol. Did a couple of small designer collective fashion shows and club shows.

R|A: You recently had a huge and amazing fashion show in your Hometown of Chicago, how does one organize and conceptualize an entire fashion show? What is the process? 

CLEONS: Thank You! Everyone has their own pattern on how they do things, I plan ahead, and make sure I meet my personal deadlines and goals when planning and sewing for a show.

"I think Dolce & Gabbana and Alexander McQueen are brilliant. I stay in my own bubble and not follow the trend or what others are doing..."

R|A: How many pieces will you be debuting this season?

CLEONS: From the s/s16 fashion show there were 57 looks..including accessories, there is a little over 120 pieces.

R|A: What advice would you have for all the kids in design school or those with a dream of designing? 

CLEONS: Protect your brand, stay focused, humble and passionate, design what is true to you and have very thick skin in this competitive industry. Always be willing to learn and gain knowledge to better yourself.

R|A: Where do you see your line in 5-10 years? Will you open your own boutique or will you sell to other merchants? 

CLEONS: I do have plans I want to fulfill in that time frame *lips sealed* :) I would love to have a boutique in the future.

R|A: How long does it take you to design an entire line and organize a show?

CLEONS: Sewing takes the most time for me, so when that is done a BIG weight is lifted off my shoulders. My first CLEONS show in 2008 took 3 months, 'SPACE&RAVE' (2015) took 9 months.

R|A: Do you have a manufacturing company, sweatshop workers or what? Who helps put CLEONS together? 

CLICK ON PHOTO TO SEE NEXT FRAME

CLEONS: No sweatshop or manufacturing company, I build and sew everything on my own.

R|A: When do you start preparing for a new season?

CLEONS: If I'm not doing a fashion show that year, 2-3 months prior.

R|A: Who were your influences when starting out?

CLEONS: I think Dolce & Gabbana and Alexander McQueen are brilliant. I stay in my own bubble and not follow the trend or what others are doing, and create what is true to me and how I'm feeling at that particular moment in my life. Fabrics inspire me a lot. I can go fabric shopping and see a certain fabric that draws my attention, I know exactly what I want to make and which model to wear it.

R|A: What most important piece of advice would you say have helped you in life? 

CLEONS: I'm always learning new things, being passionate and staying organized has helped me with my brand, CLEONS.

"Protect your brand, stay focused, humble and passionate..."

INSTAGRAM: @CleonsClothing

INDUSTRY TALK: Q&A (ERIC ARCENEAUX)

I first discovered Eric Arceneaux on youtube. At the time I had already had a vocal teacher, however I did not feel as though I was making progress. So while online seeing what the universe would send me I discovered The AA Approach. Now whenever I have the time I just go on my Udemy App and do the exercises in Eric’s videos. I’ve noticed a greater change in my vocal health and ability. So I decided to reach out to Mr. Arceneaux to see what his advice would be for other aspiring singers?

R|A: To start thank you so much for taking this interview, I’ve studied your approach for a few years and only regret that when I lived on the east coast I wasn't closer to Maryland. So in your earlier lessons you had a physical warm up before singing. Why is exercise necessary before vocal rehearsing?

E|A: It’s so important that we keep in mind that the entire body is the instrument, not just the vocal folds. A common misconception is that vocal injury is a problem isolated to the throat. But the root causes are often excessively tightened abdominals and shoulder muscles, or overly contracted glutes and inner thighs; this kind of excessive tension restricts the diaphragm, throws the body out of alignment, and places undue strain on the vocal folds. Bottom line: strengthening the voice means liberating the entire instrument.

R|A: How often would you recommend an artist do vocal training?

"A good singer has to be a great story teller."

E|A: A professional vocalist or even an aspiring professional must train daily; there’s just no way around it. It’s like being a professional athlete - talent and natural coordination are merely a starting point. To compete in the professional arena amongst other professionals, your body must be exceptionally well conditioned. Talent alone will not provide vocal longevity or protect against vocal injury, however proper daily vocal exercise will work wonders.

R|A: What key elements in your opinion make for a good singer?

E|A:  Freedom is number one.  No one wants to hear you struggling for control or straining for high notes; it makes your audience uncomfortable, if they can hear that you are vocally restricted. Number two… A good singer has to be a great story teller. Good singing is acting.  Many aspiring artists - even those with wonderful voices - fail to achieve the career success they desire simply because they get too caught up in their sound. They obsess over tone, riffs and runs, range, etc.  Don’t be so self indulgent and self conscious.  Just tell the story!

R|A: What advice would you give aspiring singers?

E|A:  Hard work, in real life, happens in slow motion. I meet singers every day who beg me to take them on as students. “I’m such a hard worker!”, they say.  But the reality is that they seldom have any sense of what hard work actually means. I blame movies. lol.  Movies romanticize and trivialize hard work via the use of montage - a collection of scenes that make the effort look intense but brief, with immediate payoff, while an inspiring song plays in the background. In real life, however, the hard work happens in slow motion.  It is frustrating at times.  It is often inconvenient. It requires a level of discipline from you that may not be required of your peers. And that can be challenging. You want to be “normal” and go out and drink and party, but you can’t do that if you have a studio session the next day. You can’t eat that pizza, if you want your voice in top shape for that audition. You don’t sing without doing a proper vocal warmup. …stuff like that.  

"Bottom line: strengthening the voice means liberating the entire instrument."

R|A: Now some artist are consistently performing, how do you maintain good vocal health, teas, tonics…?

E|A: All the teas, tonics, and sprays can be a nice cherry on top. But, without question, the best way to maintain a strong and healthy voice on the road is with healthy technique. Perhaps most important of all is a daily breathing exercise/vocal exercise regimen. Singing professionally is an athletic feat. These are muscles. Your diaphragm can be strong and flexible or it can be tight and weak. Same with your vocal folds; they can be strong and flexible or tight and weak. They need proper exercise in order for you to perform at your best, consistently, and to avoid vocal injury- vocal injury is just so avoidable, if you’re willing to discipline yourself. I develop a customized daily breathing exercise/vocal workout regimen with every one of my professional clients. It’s crucial.  

R|A: What is the biggest vocal health issue you experience with your students?

E|A:  Nodules… Artists often seek me out after being diagnosed with nodules. They are the most common vocal health issue amongst professional singers. But here’s the thing: The body always give you a warning - chronic hoarseness. Hoarseness means that you’re doing something wrong. Unfortunately, a poorly trained singer will just try to “push through”. Eventually, the body decides to protect itself, and the vocal cords develop callouses a.k.a. nodules. Nodules wreak havoc upon a singers range, freedom, and consistency, because the vocal cords are then unable to close properly.  

    What bothers me the most is that it’s all so very avoidable. And honestly, it’s often a matter of ego. Pride is definitely a factor.  I meet countless singers who tell me things like, “I KNOW how to use my diaphragm. I KNOW how to sing properly- I’m ANOINTED. I trained with so and so… ”. But I’m like, “If you already knew everything you need to know, then you wouldn’t have nodules right now!”  You can’t ignore your body for the sake of your pride.  

     Vocalists have to understand that powerful singing does not come about from brute force. No. Vocal damage happens that way. Powerful singing comes from balanced & concentrated force. A big part of my job is to teach students what it really means to derive power from the diaphragm and its surrounding muscles, as opposed to leaning on the throat. Suffice to say the most prevalent vocal health issue I see amongst students is a lack of understanding in regards to applying balanced force to the voice and misinformation on what it means to “sing from the diaphragm”.  

R|A: Most newer singers sometimes have a bought with stage fright, how do you recommend they move beyond that?

E|A:  It depends on the root cause of the stage fright. For some, the fear is due to the fact that the instrument is unreliable. In those cases, training alone will build confidence as the singer develops a better understanding of how to use his/her voice consistently. In other cases, I find that it results from self consciousness and fear of being judged. In those cases, I recommend that you stop making the performance all about you. Instead, focus on telling the story. If you’re worried about impressing people with your voice, you’ll likely sound amateurish anyway (even if your voice is amazing). A professional singer knows that telling the story is of paramount importance. That’s the mission.  

R|A: Why did you start the AApproach?

E|A:  I was tired of the confusion. Growing up in the church, I was given so much harmful advice from choir directors, musicians, and other singers. And even during my brief career in opera, there was a great deal of confusion; I realized that there was no agreed upon consensus amongst classical singers in regards to what constituted a healthy technique. Each classical voice instructor had a completely different methodology, and these methodologies were usually based far more on tradition than on any scientific principles. I guess, more than anything, the AApproach was born of my desperate need for clarity. I wanted to know concretely how the body worked.  

    Also, I wanted to empower people. Growing up, there was this pervasive idea that the ability to sing was a gift given only to a few. Furthermore, if you failed to be “chosen”, there was no hope for you.  But I had gone from being laughed out of choirs and laughed off of stages to then being offered major label record deals and enjoying a successful full-time career as a vocalist. It was the training that made all the difference, and I knew that if the training could work for me it could work for anyone.  

    I have a soft spot in my heart for the underdogs and the outsiders, for anyone who’s been told “you can’t”. The AApproach is a resource that supplies artists with the skills necessary to pursue their dreams and to thrive. As human beings, we just have so much more power than we think we do.

R|A: What 5 key rules would you say are important when singing?

E|A: 1. Warm up. Singers who don’t warm up regularly will find themselves at the mercy of all sorts of circumstances: weather, lack of sleep, nerves, sinuses, etc.  A healthy warm up routine will mitigate the effects of all those variables and make you consistent.  

2. Allow yourself to breathe, but don’t force it. Breathing should be effortless. Filling yourself up with air is not the key to vocal power. Heaving large amounts of breath will only wear you out.  If you feel like you have to fight or work to get a satisfying amount of air, then your diaphragm is weak and restricted. Contact me.  

3. Don’t sing AT the audience.  Instead, communicate with them.  Singers often feel pressure to show everything they’ve got (belting, riffing/running, screaming) right out the gate, in every song, even if it makes absolutely no sense for that particular song. Just tell the story. Be honest. Be vulnerable.

4. Accept your instrument. Appreciate your instrument. We don’t curse the violin for not sounding like a trumpet. We appreciate each instrument for its unique beauty. Don’t abuse your voice in an attempt to make it sound like someone else’s.  

5. Allow some of the character of your speaking voice to come through your singing voice.  Vocalists often feel that they have to create the perfect tone, but singing is in essence nothing more than elongated speech. Utilizing more of your speaking voice qualities will make your singing sound more distinct, nuanced, and professional.  

"Singers often ignore these warning signs, thus creating and worsening problems instead of fixing them."

R|A: One thing that stuck with me from your lesson was that “practice makes permanent, not perfect.” I think that’s a powerful statement, how does one practice perfectly? How do you know if what you’re doing is the correct way of doing it?

E|A: Your body will always let you know if you’re on the wrong track, I promise you. But you have to be willing to listen. It’s so important that we tune in to how things feel.  If it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not right. The vocal folds do not operate under the same principles as other muscles in the body, in the sense that it’s NOT like working out at a gym. Pain is never ok. Burning is never ok. Soreness is never ok. Singers often ignore these warning signs, thus creating and worsening problems instead of fixing them.

R|A: Where can people find you for vocal classes?  

E|A: My website - www.AApproach.com - has it all, including info on how to take one-on-one lessons with me (Skype, FaceTime, or in person) and info on how to purchase my lessons on video. Of course, I’m also on Youtube, which is how a lot of people find me.  www.Youtube.com/EricArceneaux

INDUSTRY TALK: Q&A (BIODUN ABUDU)

Readers of #IndustryTalk I started this blog to help aspiring artist learn the steps needed in order to grow as artist and as people. That is why when Biodun messaged me asking if his book qualified would I consider it; I said of course. Writing is an art, shoot I’m writing right now. Writers create the scripts for the films and tv shows we all enjoy and love so much. I asked Mr. Abudu to send me details on his book and I must say after reading only four chapters of ‘Tales of My Skin’ I am floored. In the first four chapters we delve into Abudu’s life growing up in both the States as well as Nigeria. His first love which happened to be an abusive one, as well as the way he saw himself. As an artist I think we are very critical of our work and of ourselves. I thought I should interview him for those of you artist who have a bit too much going on in your personal lives as that can block you from your blessings. Yes I said blessings. Right now I’m at the computer typing, listening to Yolanda Adams ‘The Battle is The Lord’s’. Readers I lost a dear friend of mines a few days ago (maybe a few weeks from this article’s publishing date). However he struggled with drugs, self-worth, and abuse with his partner. He was always the person to cheer you up if you were down, and smiling for no reason at all. So I am hoping that if you read this book you will realize how much you are worth. We all have a purpose, whether you are spiritual/religious or not. We all have a purpose!

R|A: Biodun first I must applaud you on your bravery. It takes a lot for one to open themselves up completely. I must ask what made you decide to write ‘Tales of My Skin’ and would you consider this to be somewhat of a memoir of your early life?

B|A: Thank you so much. 'Tales of My Skin' is not all about my story but also someone I used to know. I wouldn't call it a memoir necessarily but letters or chapters for people to learn from our story.

R|A: What advice would you give people who are in an abusive relationship? Did you feel like what your first love was doing was wrong or just something natural?

B|A: It's always easy for most of us say to someone in an abusive relationship to leave. The person who stays in an abusive relationship has fears, doubts and has lost track of their self worth that's why they can't move. It's a great process to start by speaking to someone who would encourage them and give them resources to have strength and courage to leave and feel they can survive.  It was totally wrong and I can't blame the person because for me it stemmed from abusive situations I had from my dad and back then I accepted it. So it adds to reasons why it became normal at that moment though it was wrong.

R|A: At what point in your life did you realize you deserve better and could be better?

B|A: It took a long while for me to tell myself that I could be better and deserved better . No one on this earth’s soil is without mistakes and is perfect. The moment I started to read more and watch the not so popular TV shows that spoke about certain neglected issues is when I started to wake up telling myself I could be better.

R|A: Will you be writing more in the future? Is there a part two to ‘Tales of My Skin’?

B|A: Oh definitely! I have extremely wild thoughts and plan to write my first fictional novel soon. My second novel is in the editing process. I’m so excited about it actually. I cried a couple of times when I was writing it because it was touching on so many things I could relate to. I’m considering writing a part two of Tales of My Skin just weighing options that's best for me.

R|A: What is your advice on sex or abstaining from sex?

B|A: Sex hmm! this is one topic that commands the immediate attention of so many people. So many people hardly ever mention the word “abstain” talk less of even giving actions to dedicate to abstaining. I do advise to resist temptation which getting off the online apps which are masked for dating but are free access to sex. Who wants to roam professional places or fun gatherings being known as that one person everyone has had a taste of ?

R|A: How do you want your readers to view you after this? In your book you mentioned the assets you are praised for or found sexy for, but what do you praise yourself for? And what qualities do you think are sexy about you? (Keep in mind by sexy I mean your brain, or tea on a rainy day in pajamas. Just what makes you feel most comfortable in your skin?)

B|A: I can say what I want my readers to view me as but people will still have their own personal view. I do hope they view me as someone touching on topics they recognize with but aren't comfortable talking about. I am bold for writing on things that are hidden in the dark and patted on the head only to grow into an ugly mold. I praise myself for being able to grow and learn every season. To be able to speak my mind on the truth and not really care what thousands that don't agree have to say is what I call sexy and is what makes me comfortable in my skin

R|A: America has a one sided picture of LGBT life in Africa, I have several out friends in South Africa and know a bit of the life there. However what would you say Nigeria is like? Is there a gay culture, are people accepting to some degree? What would you change?

B|A: I know there is community that is private out there for safety reasons. People with open minds and are educated are accepting to a degree. The ones that have their neck deep in religious ways of life and have taken special high positions in heaven next to God will tell you what is wrong because they know it all. That's all I will say concerning this.

R|A: So I’ve lived in New York City as well and dating there is a bit different I would say. We date more, and we date often, and if we are lucky during cuffing season we won’t have to date so much. What’s your advice on dating for people in the LGBT community, young and older?

B|A: There is still a long way to go. Recently gay marriages were accepted all over the U.S.  That's great but we must not forget many of us are not even close to dating so only like 5 percent of the LGBT community will actually get married in this generation. I think people have gotten comfortable behind the computer screens and don't know how to approach each other physically when they see a potential person to date. In clubs most lean on the walls and are too cute to loosen up and have a conversation. Sex is the priority for most and if that is not taken down, there is no dating really. We need to get rid of the list of no’s, stop expecting too much on the first day. Communication is everything and making it work and not giving up over little arguments. Being real is the key, if you can not be silly like you are with your friends then move on, don't force it because the person looks good.

R|A: What helped you survive all of this? Who was a pioneering force to give you guidance throughout your adolescence?

B|A: No one really just stories I have read during that time. A few times to cry alone and few times to take walks and listening to songs  with strong meaningful lyrics helped me.

R|A: What advice would you say you received that has helped you or changed you in a positive way?

B|A: I was told from a friend that sometimes when you plan to go far in life you may have to plan to go alone.

About the Author

Biodun Abudu was born in Rhode Island, but comes from a Nigerian background. When he is not writing, he works as a model, choreographer,actor and fashion designer. In 2011, he graduated with an. A.S. degree in Fashion Design and a B.A. in Merchandising Management with an emphasis on Fashion Merchandising.     

Website - www.BiodunAbudu.com

Blog - blog.BiodunAbudu.com